The First Memories…


my momma in 1949

Hello ….
It’s just me…I remember one of the very loving and kind nicknames that my father had given me when I was a little girl was “Lilliput”. He said that I was so tiny, just like the “Lilliputians” from the book or the movie called “Gulliver’s Travels”.  So he liked to call me “Lilliput” when he was being tender, loving and kind. The best thing in my home to be….was…”LITTLE”….or “SMALL” to be exact.  Being small was the best thing to be because it made my parent’s very happy. When they were happy, the household was more of a happy one. Then everything seemed better and more peaceful too. 
  At our house…this is where my story will begin. I will not be mentioning real names because the people are still alive and I don’t want to put my life in jeopardy or hurt anyone even though they’ve hurt me very much.
  When I was a little girl…I remember waking up from my nap at about 4 yrs old. I was rubbing my eyes and had just awoken from my afternoon nap. I was probably about 4 years old. My mother had given me a cup of grape juice. I spilled it….this was the first time I remember being “afraid” of my mother. She was on the floor screaming and yelling so loudly that I was  in tears, standing there in my little undies because it was a hot Summer day and that’s how little one’s took naps in those days! I was actually “afraid” of her and was very confused. I didn’t mean to spill the juice and I didn’t mean to do anything bad or wrong. But she was very very angry and got hysterical and I won’t forget that memory.
   When I would get woken up in the mornings as a child, my parent’s would come into my bedroom, usually mom because dad was already gone to work. She would open the blinds abruptly and let the brightness into the bedroom to get you to wake up quickly. She always said that “people who sleep in are lazy and get fat”. We could never sleep in past about 8:00 am because she didn’t want us to be lazy or fat! One of the things she said to me in the early mornings was “Is your tongue still there?” …”Did the Devil cut out your tongue while you were sleeping?”  She’d told us that if you ever tell a lie or something like that, then the “Devil would come and cut your tongue out at night time”. She would also tell me whenever I got a “cold sore” on my lip; that that was “meanness and lies” coming out on my body and the Devil was doing that to me for being “bad”. I did NOT lie and I was not a mean person and I still am not a “mean” person…not ever!
    Just to let you know that this blog is not going to totally focus on the “abuse” issues of growing up in my family home with a mother who was ill and a father who worked alot and 2 older brothers of which the oldest was my “protector”(but has since gone to the side of my elderly father and doesn’t speak to me anymore). The younger of the two older brother’s was diagnosed as “Bi-Polar” and he went through bouts of Bulimia Nervosa too but would never get the “help” he needs and when he finally did go one time for help, my parents told him that the meds they gave him….the “Lithium”..made him get “fat” and told him that he then looked like “Buddha”…so he went off of the meds and now denies that he has this mental illness. 
    I’m going to let you know about my journey. I will let you know some of the abuse issues only because the people at the SSDI and my own Psychologist *(who’s known us /me for many many years now) have said that I’m the “worst childhood trauma/abuse case” they’d seen in the last 35 years!! Therefore, I find it an important topic to bring up off and on during this blog. Mainly, I want to focus on my journey also with pain, the car accident from 2002 and how far I’ve actually come. I’m a survivor! I am not a victim! 
  My other blog at : http://www.allthedayzofmylife.blogspot.com is mostly a “picture blog”. I share many of the pictures that I take. I share the pictures because I love and enjoy taking pictures and I’m very interested in photography! These are “happy” photo’s and I share fun and Happy times for the most part!
  The other blog that I have is called : You ‘N Me and A Cuppa Tea and it’s at : http://www.youNmeandacuppatea.blogspot.com . This blog is about the here and now. It is pictures and writings of today and yesterday. Things that have gone on in the past and new things that are going on today in my/our daily lives.
   Lastly, I have a “Private” blog. Only a few people are on the “allowed” list to read it. I talk about many things that I wouldn’t normally talk about in any “open” forum. That one is private and if you wanted to read it, you can write to me personally and I can add you on to the “allowed readers” list. The name of this one is “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly”. Very few are on the list and it is truly my thoughts and stories that I just needed to get out and still need to get out. But not something that I want to share with all people.
    This blog…and as you can tell, I enjoy writing when I can and it is a great outlet for me. If I can help others along the way, then that is even better! This blog is going to be open and mostly about my life now and my journey with some of the abuse and mostly with the pain. I was in a car accident in August of 2002 and I was hurt terribly forever! I got a MTBI or “Mild Traumatic brain Injury” and many other physical injuries too. I had 5 surgeries and was in a brain injury rehab for 3 years. I will leave you with this for my first writing today. I will tell you more about everything as time goes by. I hope in some small way, that I will be able to help someone else feel not so alone if they are on a journey similar to mine….goodbye for now….and I’ll be seeing you.

This is my oldest when she was 3 1/2 yrs old!
this is my youngest when she was 3 mos old & she won “beautiful Baby Contest for the “most beautiful eyes” for JC Penney Photo contest!!


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