The Happy Challenge


The suffering of the chronic pain patient can be mostly silent, somewhat invisible.  People will sometimes ask “where are the bruises, the medical machines or the marks on your body”?  Let me explain about the “hidden bruises”, the “quiet bleeding inside” and the sporadic silence.  The “silent screams” are more often quiet because we are seen as complaining if we are too vocal.  When we don’t say anything or we look “fine”; then we must be Okay because we appear to be fine on the outside and we are not complaining. We may verbalize that we are tired and then they say “Oh yes, I’m tired too! I know what you mean. It’s normal to be tired at our ages. You just have to work through it!” They don’t realize that we have to “ration our spoons” throughout the day (see the “spoon theory” by Christine Miserandino, at http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com).  There’s no sense trying to explain it to them because it is not a battle of words that we have the energy to argue about.  Most people who do not live with and deal with daily chronic pain, just cannot understand or fathom the idea that just taking a shower and getting ready for our day, can use up so many of our “spoons” or so much of our energy.

We may agree to attend an event or a family outing if at all possible.  We don’t intend to break a “promise” but when we go against our own best judgement; we may then suffer.  Sometimes we go, but cannot stay very long; they say we are “phony”.  We try to hide how we are feeling, but sometimes even with our greatest strength, we have to submit to the pain and fatigue. We need to listen to what our bodies are telling us.  That’s when we start losing friends and family members. We start getting invited to social events less often. Though we really wish to be invited and truly want to go, if we possibly can.

Next, we have the other chronic pain patients who have knowledge of the “Spoon Theory” and some of the similar feelings that we all experience daily.  Then for one reason or another, maybe because we are not all at the “same place at the same time”; we may be judged again by our peers. It hurts, because we all experience the chronic pain and fatigue, but we may each handle it differently. I try not to judge anyone for doing what they need to do to take care of themselves. When you only “know” someone through social media, you don’t really know them or their daily struggles. You only know what they choose to share.  It hurts when someone judges me for appearing to be active on social media. It’s true that I am an Ambassador for the U.S. Pain foundation, I’m a freelance writer, a blogger, a mentor, a patient leader for WEGO health and I am a health advocate. But I don’t have to do anything on any day or days, if I don’t choose to. I may be in my recliner for 20 out of 24 hours some days. But that doesn’t mean that I cannot encourage, counsel, connect or give TLC to others.

If I do an event, then I am literally “down” for several days afterwards. It is worth it to me, just to stay as positive, helpful and useful as I possibly can be.  I also don’t admonish others who are not in the same place as me.  I remember times when I didn’t feel as happy inside and I still have periods like that. The ups and downs are pretty normal within the lives of chronic pain patients.  Sometimes when in horrible pain physically and/or mentally; people generally think that others should be able to see or feel things the same way as they do.

Now, I have a different strategy for dealing with the pain. I utilize every possible venue to express my own pain and my reaction to the changes that it has made in my life and our lives. I am not always positive, nor am I constantly happy and upbeat. But I do try to be positive as often as possible on Social media. Sometimes people’s lives depend on it. Naturally, we all have our darker times; but I try to rarely share those publicly.  I’m not saying that I’m right or this is right for everyone. I’m just sharing how I deal with my own personal pain.

I felt the need or the urge to write about this because I received a private note from someone. It really hurt at first and I was crying. I participated and usually do participate in the various online events and “photo challenges”. It may be for U.S Pain foundation, for WEGO health or for RSDSA etc.  It’s just therapeutic for me and I enjoy being a part of these online events. If I can cheer up one person then it is worth it for me.  If I can show one person, a light at the end of the tunnel, then I have given them hope.   Someone sent me this private message and it said;   “Not to start anything but….why do you devote so much time and trouble to your blog, your websites, groups and writings?  Why don’t you just deal with the pain, like the rest of us? YOUR “Happy challenge” was yours not mine…. I guess we don’t see it the same way. I just try to get thru the day w/the least amount of pain possible and thank God when I awaken the next day.  No drugs, no docs, just PT and pain shrink….”.  Like I said, at first I cried and I was hurt by these words. For a few moments, I felt like it was and has been all for nothing.  But it’s not for nothing. We are not all in the same place at the same time.  There are stages of chronic pain, just as there are stages of grief; they are pretty similar. But one thing for sure, I don’t put others down for taking or not taking medications or if they choose to use an SCS or a pain pump (for which I’m not a candidate, due to an Immune deficiency disease). I feel strongly about doing whatever is necessary to achieve the best quality of life that I can possibly have.  I don’t choose to go to as many Dr’s as I once did. I try to just visit the specialists that my life depends on.  I don’t just “wait for the next day to arrive”.  Though I do thank God every day, for giving me life. I also don’t do PT after 9 years of doing it and I don’t go to a “pain shrink”.  But that is my choice.  I do take a normal dose of Opioid pain medication, of which my life “depends on” now.  I’m not “addicted”, but “dependent” on this medication. But guess what? I was able to attend my youngest granddaughters’ first birthday party because of this.  I GOT the pleasure of attending a U.S. pain conference this past weekend.  I got to do it and got through it, because I am able to take a pill that helps me get through these events.  Yes, of course I suffer still, for a few days afterwards, but I have the memories and so do the “little ones” and the other people who I got to spend time with. I also got to experience other persons like myself, who want to make a difference and try to help in the world of chronic pain.  It’s not for everybody and that’s OK.  We are all different, it’s supposed to be that way.  I don’t particularly enjoy things like gardening or cooking. Some people couldn’t imagine life without those things. I am me and that is OK.  I cannot please everyone and it’s alright.  I’m not crying any longer about the message. Instead I feel badly for the person who wrote it.  They are in a darker or more sad place than me. I will be there for them if or when they are ready.

It’s a difficult kind of life to explain when you look fine on the outside, your photos look like everything is “normal” on the outside; but my body burns and aches even through the smiles. I’m just like some of the other chronic pain patients, but I choose to outlet my pain in different ways. Nobody says that my way is the right way, but it’s the right way for me to express my pain and try to help others in the process.

 

 

What You See Is Not What You Get!


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Having Chronic Pain is unlike the pain following a surgery or even the pain after an injury. Many things about Chronic pain are not seen with our eyes. There are so many “invisible diseases” that involve living with exhaustion, illness and pain.  Many people think they know about these issues. If they’ve not witnessed life with a chronic pain patient, then they truly cannot understand or know what we live with on a daily basis. People are misinformed and sometimes quick to judge persons living with pain day after day.  Some think we are lazy, anti-social or just rude.  We cancel appointments, shopping trips and dinner dates with our friends and family. But we are not any of the above. We are people who have hopes, dreams and inspirations; just as anyone else. The issue is that our futures don’t include many of those same things after we become chronic pain patients.  We must grieve our losses and find new hopes and dreams.  This is the price that we pay for living with chronic pain 24/7/365.

I am still “me” underneath the chronic fatigue and pain.  I still want to talk with you and hear about your day, family and dreams.  In between the days of staying in my PJ’s and lying in my bed or on the sofa, I try hard to be a part of your “normal” world.  Some days I may even look “normal” to you. In fact, most of the time, I probably appear to be “just like everybody else.  I try to wear nice pants, cute dresses and sometimes I put on make up, just like you do! If you visit my Social Media photo feeds, you’ll see someone who “looks normal”, holding onto her grandchildren’s hands, smiling and actually joyful underneath the pain somewhere.  Sometimes even sitting on the floor with them.  You may read about me “babysitting” for our grandchildren; or going out to dinner with our friends.  You may even want to “judge” me by saying to yourself “How can she be that sick or in that much pain, if she’s doing all of these things?”  If you think like that, I can’t blame you because I once thought those same misinformed thoughts.  What you don’t see, is how I get to the floor or how long I am actually down there.  You don’t see my husband helping me (and doing most of the work) to get me up and off of the floor.  You don’t actually know how long I am down there or how many pillows may be behind my back. You also don’t know that I most likely stayed home in my pajama’s all day until 4:00 pm when we had dinner plans at 5:15 pm.  You also aren’t privy to the information of how long I might’ve stayed at dinner and “if” I was able to even eat anything that night.  Not only do I have several chronic pain illnesses, but many of them are invisible to you. They are very much visible to me. I can “see” them with each new line on my face and each new grey hair that gets covered up each month. I can’t only “see” the pain, but I feel it with every part of my being. It doesn’t go away, not ever.  Though some days are better or worse than others; the chronic pain of “Invisible Disabilities” and “Invisible Illness” is apparent to me every minute of every day.  Often I fight with myself about going to sleep at night.  Do I try to go to bed at a more normal time and maybe get 4 -5 hours rest? Or do I stay up until I drop; then fall asleep quickly and wake up in just 2 or 3 hours?  If I sleep more than 2 or 3 hours, I will awaken and cry.  Whether it be inner tears or outward ones, I will cry from feeling as though someone set my body on fire due to the CRPS. I will have tears from feeling like my neck and back are broken from the Degenerative Disc disease, Spondylosis, Scoliosis and/or multiple herniated/bulging discs in both my cervical and lumbar spine; not to mention the Chiari malformation I in my neck. Yes, if I move or get up before I’m ready, I definitely will cry.  It’ a routine that we have, you know?  My husband gets up at 6:00 am every day to give me my medicine; just so that I will be able to get up with him a couple of hours after that. He is my hero.

You cannot feel Gastroparesis, but if I eat one wrong food at dinner time; I will be up all night and very sick. My husband, who is also my soul-mate and my caregiver; knows all too well about these long nights.  I have worries, though he continues to tell me that they are unfounded; that he will get tired of all of this one day. It’s not much fun to be with someone who is constantly complaining about pain, so I try to keep it to a minimum.  But even to him, my pain is not invisible.  He knows the grimace of  CRPS and the fidgeting of the intensifying pain on an outing.  He knows that when I start rocking back and forth, it’s his cue to step in and say “time to go home”.  I know that my own family gets frustrated with me because I’m not able to babysit “alone” or have kids dropped off on the spur of the moment.  I cannot commit to babysitting for the little ones under school age for a week.  I’m not able to help take the load off of my children and their spouses, so that they can go on a trip. There are many things that I cannot do but there’s so much that I still have to give.

Please don’t judge what you do not understand. If you think you know, then go and read some more about chronic illnesses and pain. Spend time with someone like me and see how impaired the activities of daily living have become.  I’m probably not always much fun to hang out with, but I’m still “me” inside.  Digging through the pain and exhaustion, there’s a real person inside, who still has a heart and feelings that can be hurt.  Feelings that are probably more fragile than most because of the judgements, stares and hurtful words that come from some people who are misjudging and misinformed.  I’ve had nasty notes put on my windshield, that would make anyone cry.  One note said this “How dare you take this HC parking space! It must be a “mental thing”! I hope you become handicapped for the rest of your life, so you know how it feels to have someone take your parking spot”! Yes, indeed; that was the note left on my car at a little market right across the street from my house.  I had my cane in the grocery cart and the little blue HC parking permit on my rear view mirror.  But I was still judged and torn to shreds because of the way I look.

Please know the difference between being able to stand for 20 minutes and being able to stand all day.  The difference between having the flu and feeling that same way for many many years! Try and understand that what I might be able to do today, I probably won’t be able to do tomorrow.  Don’t say “Oh you look happy and healthy” or tell me that I’m looking or sounding “better”.  I’m just trying to cope with the life that I have been dealt. Please don’t judge me if I try to do awareness events or fundraisers for the causes of my illnesses and those of my friends.  Though I may “do” these things; I definitely know that I will “pay” for it later.  I will rest for days in between and sometimes weeks.  But I deserve to do things and to try and be happy; even if it is in between the pain at its worst and best.  Please know that getting out and doing things doesn’t make me feel better, it actually makes me feel worse for days at a time.

Chronic pain is hard for you to understand. It wreaks havoc on the body and the mind.
It is exhausting and exasperating.  I’m doing my best to cope and live my life to the best of my ability.  I ask you to bear with me, and accept me as I am.

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The Opioid Debacle


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Hello Luvs,

Many chronic pain patients, like myself, have legitimate concerns that we didn’t have to deal with a few years ago. Just prior to this Opioid debacle that has occurred in these past few years, we had enough to worry about due to our pain issues.  We worry about finding good and trustworthy physicians, pharmacies that have our best interest in mind, tests that we endure and then pay for; among other things. We have to find a way to arrive at our appointments, possibly find someone to go with us and find Dr.’s willing to help relieve our pain. We just need someone to listen to our ideas, concerns and take our feelings into consideration at the same time. These days we have so much more on our plates and it is adding worry, pain and an increase in suicide to the list.

There are rumors flying on Twitter, Facebook and in the news media, that we have an “Opioid epidemic” in our midst.  Lawmakers and those who don’t have a clue what daily life is like for the chronic pain patient; have just blindly accepted this hype.  I totally agree that deaths from overdose of Heroin and other “street drugs” are happening. It is real and people are dying. I do know that the true “drug addicts” are mixing and/or changing some very helpful pain medications, with illegal substances and making more dangerous drugs that kill.  But taking the small amount of relief away from pain patients is not going to fix the problem. The CDC, FDA, lawmakers and  the Physicians who “don’t have a clue about chronic pain from a personal standpoint”; are taking away truly needed medications that lessen our pain on a daily basis. The chronic pain patient deserves to have some semblance of “normal” life. When they take away our pain medications, they are putting us back into our beds; where we are “sick” persons just waiting for relief.  Hoping and waiting for someone to help us “fix” this Opioid conundrum that is happening around us.

The problem that I have found during my research, is that these groups of people that have “power”; meaning the CDC, FDA etc.; are “lumping together” true chronic pain patients with the average drug addicts. We are not one in the same!  Apples are not oranges; just because both are called “fruits”. Dogs are not cats just because they are both animals. People who abuse drugs and chronic pain patients are not one in the same; just because both are human beings that need Opioids in order to live.  The craziness will not end and drug abuse problems and/or deaths will not be over, by taking Opioids from the true pain patients. The chronic pain community has been living in fear and agony since the new guidelines started. What I’m talking about is a real public health issue that is being made worse and not getting solved.  Denying the chronic pain community the one thing that may give us some small quality of life, is definitely not going to fix anything.

What I have noticed after speaking with a Governor’s secretary, a Senator and officials within my community, is that they don’t realize that there’s a difference between being an addict and being dependent physically. I heard a Senator say that she never thought about how a chronic pain patient may be physically dependent but not be “addicted” or crave the pain medications. They don’t truly understand that Opioids are sometimes the only choice and last resort. Some of us are not candidates for other treatment modalities. Frankly, there are others who just don’t want or cannot have another surgery that might increase pain and medical issues. I was told by one Senator, that we need to be a voice.  They need us to make phone calls, write letters and these kinds of articles. We need them to really listen and then make real changes.

The drug addict needs and craves their drug of choice in order to function. They get a “high” from taking drugs. They mix drugs and change medication from its original form sometimes, in order to get that “high” . A drug addict lives for their daily  “fix”.  The chronic pain patient, on the other hand, does not get a “high”from Opioids. We take prescribed pain medications in order to live some sort of life outside of our beds. We don’t live for the pain medications. We take them in order to have a life with lessened pain. The Opioids give a slightly higher quality of life to some of us and the unbending hand of the Government is slowly taking this quality of life away from us.

I totally agree, that Opioids should not always be the first drug of choice for chronic pain. There are other modalities to start with. But in the end, if the only thing that works for certain patients who live with daily debilitating pain, are Opioids; then these patients should be allowed to have them. The chronic pain patient should be allowed to live without feeling like a  criminal or as though we are “bad” or “flawed” people. We also should not have to take a slew of lesser medications in order to “try and fail” them before getting what a board certified pain Dr. may prescribe as first choice if his /her hands weren’t “tied”. The persons with power to do something about this debacle are continuing to deny tens of thousands of chronic pain patients the only treatment that may help lessen their pain, our pain, my pain.  They are holding us hostage to a life of agony and they need to be informed. Those persons who have the power to help chronic pain patients with this confused issue, are listening to  misinformation. They are looking at skewed  and manipulated data.  They are basing their choices, ideas and guidelines on poor medical analysis and data.

The guidelines for the use of Opioids in the medical setting should be changed immediately. Those persons on the committees who wrote these newer guidelines were those who have a monetary stake in getting rid of these medications. By this, I mean those who own other forms of treatment centers.They are also the “Prop” Dr.’s who have only one point of view and it’s not the same point of view as those who truly know what its like to live with daily chronic pain. The initial’s “PROP” stands for “Physicians for Responsible Opioid prescribing”.  But they don’t really approve of any kind of Opioid prescribing. They and others who wrote the current guidelines, want Opioids eliminated for the afore mentioned monetary reasons and due to the propaganda surrounding celebrities deaths from overdose.  In the celebrity cases, and many other high profile and even low profile deaths from overdose; there were other medications and street drugs mixed in with the Opioids. That is truly how those persons ended up dead.

The guidelines for the use of Opioids with chronic pain patients should be withdrawn now! They should be rewritten by a group that consists of board certified physicians who have true experience with chronic pain patients. Better yet, add some physicians who actually experience chronic pain themselves.  Excluded in the group to rewrite the guidelines, should be anyone with money to gain from getting rid of Opioid medications. Let’s get real! People die from NSAIDS! In fact, I’m not allowed to take them because of my chronic renal disease. Others die from Liver issues from taking too much Tylenol.

At one point, there was a group of U.S. Senators that introduced legislation to  put a federal tax on all Opioid medications! It was called the “Budgeting for Opioid Addiction Treatment Act”. In a nutshell, they wanted to make chronic pain patients pay one cent for each milligram of active opioid ingredient in their daily pain medications.  This money was then going to be used for treatment centers for drug addicts! How ludicrous is that?  Would anyone ever think about taxing my grandfather for taking insulin, because he is diabetic? Would they put a “fine” or so called “tax” on high blood pressure medications? NO! Nobody would place a “fine” or a “tax” on illnesses such as high blood pressure or diabetes, yet the medications taken for those illnesses also make people “dependent” on them. A person can’t just stop taking insulin or they could die! The heart medication that I take cannot be stopped abruptly, or I could have a heart attack! So you see, there are many medications that people may be “dependent” upon. That doesn’t make all sick persons “addicts”. We all take the medications that we need for our diagnosed medical conditions. The drug addict actively wants, craves and seeks out their drug of choice.  Those of us living with chronic pain truly wish that we didn’t need to take any medication. Chronic pain is an illness just like any other.

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Support Groups,Chronic Pain, And Why Kindness Matters


 

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When we are in pain, it sometimes can be hard to see another persons pain as well.  I have founded and am Administrator for several Support groups online. Some are for chronic illnesses & pain. While others are for fun and socializing. I’ve noticed that my group for people who love Cats,”The Scratching Post”; is very different than my other groups that are in support of people living with different kinds of pain. The reason that they are so different is because people who are just there to hang out and talk about the silliness of Cats  are usually thinking more positive thoughts and they’re in their happy place. Those of us who struggle with pain, may feel a various number of emotions. We bring those emotions into the group setting. Luckily, in the support groups that I run; I have not had any trouble with drama, in-fighting or bullying whatsoever.  I tend to think that it is because I have been the sole administrator and I take care of anything and everything Before it happens. I always check the “new requests” very thoroughly. I try to keep my groups safe from harm or any kind of researchers that want to “study” us/them. I have had people pretend to be someone who is in pain and they request to join my support group online. A long while back, I had a few interns from various countries, who wished to “study” the persons with CRPS or Invisible illnesses, so they tried to join one of my support groups. I have not ever asked their reasons because they don’t even get that far. I just don’t let them join my groups.

A few of the the ways that I keep my groups safe are by doing a few simple tasks before allowing someone to  join. I look for “signs” on their pages and I ask them several questions via private message. If their page is bare, without even a cover photo or profile picture; I don’t even pursue their request to join. If it just looks a bit “private” but they’ve been on Facebook for several years, then I ask them the questions that I will post below for you. If they have a few friends in my support group(s), or if they are referred by someone in the group; I usually just welcome them to the group and don’t check much more. I will ask the person who referred them or the people they have as their “friends”, if they know them well or if they are just an acquaintance?  Here are a few of the questions that I ask a prospective new member in one of my online support groups:

  • First I will make a statement something like : “Hello, my name is Suzanne and I’m the founder/admin. for the group that you have asked to join (then I name the group)”.  Then I’ll say, “Please don’t feel singled out, because I ask all prospective members the same questions. I like to just get to know you a little bit to make sure that you are in the right group for what you want/need.”
  • Secondly, I will ask them How did you find this group? What were you searching for?(Because my groups are mostly private, which means they can be seen in name only but the posts are private)….this also helps both of us make sure that they’re in the right place.
  • Then I might ask, What makes you want to join this type of group? Do you live with __ or __? (*Chronic illness, invisible illnesses and/or RSD/CRPS), or are you a Caregiver?
  • Next, I will say “When were you diagnosed? Where do you live?”
  • Then I will check everything out and usually allow them to join
  • If they don’t or won’t answer any of the questions, I don’t allow them into my groups. There are many other groups out there and I just want my members to feel safe.
  • If their page has zero information, zero photos and nothing that you can see whatsoever, that is a bad sign and I just usually “ignore” that request to join.

Some ideas for Administrators and moderators of groups already ongoing are:

  • Check the group regularly and just look over the new posts as they come in. Respond as soon as possible.
  • Look for abusive language &/or aggressive behaviors
  • Watch for a person that may be “picked on” or who has the anger of the group “dumped” on them. Act accordingly to figure out and fix the problem.
  • If you have spoken to someone a couple of times and they are rude to you or other members, it’s time to take them out of your group for the members’ sake
  • Ask for help, as I just recently started doing. I just couldn’t be everywhere and do it all. I asked for volunteers, for people who wanted to do some of the things that I cannot keep up with. Such as checking out all of the new members. Watching for any abusive, nasty or negative language or posts; and then telling me about them. Then I can decide whether to delete the post or talk to the person. Either way I will speak to the writer of those kinds of posts; it’s just a matter of before or after I delete it. My new moderators have the choice if it is a very abusive post to just delete it and tell me who and what, later.
  • Make sure that if you do ask for help, you choose people that you relate well with. Also persons who you have known for quite a while and you trust them and their judgement.

Unfortunately, many of us with Chronic pain issues and illness,  don’t always have the most supportive families or friends. These types of people also try to show up in groups to find out information for the “family”. That is another article in and of itself about Malignant Narcissist’s or abusers. If you have a supportive family, that is half the battle; it’s wonderful for you and that alone can help with your healing.

Whether you are a founder/administrator, a moderator or a member of an online support group.  Try to think first before you write, or at least before  you hit the “send” button. Remember that in Facebook support groups, you have the chance to go back and delete what you have written. Just in case you were terribly upset (we all can feel that way sometimes) and you want to get rid of your post before another person’s feelings get hurt or worse. Never carry private or specific information from one group to another. If in doubt, always ask the administrator(s). If you want to re-post an article or something similar, then go to the original Website  where that article was posted and share straight from there. This way you aren’t taking a post from one group and sharing with others. Usually  it is impossible to “share” between private groups anyways; but just in case.

We all continue to learn and grow in our lives each day. I’ve made mistakes before and I try to make amends or change whatever I can, so that I don’t repeat the error of my ways. I do my best to think first before I react or say something to another person, whether they are a friend or foe. Regardless if they are online in a group or out in the world in some kind of group setting. We are all humans and everyone feels hurt when someone is downright rude or is treating us badly. I want to add that if you are going to comment either way about something that someone has said, written or done; always be sure that you know all of the facts first. Don’t just read one line of something that someone has written, and then make a rude or cutting remark.  Don’t try to guess what someone means when they write a sentence or two in a group post online.  Sometimes the short or hastily written words cannot depict the true feelings, ideas or thoughts of a group member.  Keep in mind that some people are better at expressing themselves with spoken words and others are better at writing. Try to not get bothered by the small things, and think about what the “tone” of the words feel like to you; even if you might’ve said it differently.

When all is said and done, remember that we all inhabit this internet world together. We need to be as kind, loving and gentle as possible. There are always times when we say or do the wrong things. What we do afterwards, or the next time; is what matters most. Be kind and remember that the person you are upset with may have a whole mountain of issues, illnesses or problems that you don’t even know about.  That doesn’t give them the right to abuse or hurt you or others in any way. But just get away & remove yourself from the situation whenever possible. It never hurts to explain yourself, if  you feel that someone has gotten it wrong or judged you wrongly.

Lastly, please remember in the support groups for chronic pain, illness, grief, abuse survivors etc….these people are hurting a bit more than the average amount.  Try to be understanding and be a good listener, especially in a support group.  Give hurting members; those who are in much pain either physically or emotionally, a little leeway. Remember to be gentle and kind.  If you felt hurt by the actions or words of another member in your support group, step back for a moment and think. If you forget and then  realize that you retaliated against someone in a group, because you felt angry or hurt; try to make amends. Try to put yourself in someone Else’s situation, if you know it. If not, then try to just be thoughtful of others feelings. Treat them how you would like to be treated.  Remember that Kindness matters!

Why I Wish To Be An Ambassador for U.S. Pain Foundation? My Pain Journey…


 

**I RECEIVED THIS RESOLUTION FROM MY TOWN OF CANTON, MICHIGAN,  FOR “PAIN AWARENESS MONTH” -SEPTEMBER 2016

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***I RECEIVED THIS PROCLAMATION FROM THE GOVERNOR OF MICHIGAN, RICK SNYDER FOR “RSDS/CRPS AWARENESS MONTH -NOVEMBER 2016 AND COLOR THE WORLD ORANGE DAY FOR NOVEMBER 7, 2016”

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From ASL Interpreter To Hearing Impaired in 10 seconds


Hello Luvs,

I truly try not to complain or ask for help often; but I’m having a rough pain night… When I feel like this I find something that makes me feel good and I try to do it, read it, play it, sing it, sign it Etc. Tonight I can’t sign it so I watched myself sign the ASL cover for @Hold On” by Wilson Phillips… It did make me feel a little better if only for 3-4 minutes. Then I thought that I would share it with you! Because if I’m having a rough night, others must be as well. You see, I’ve tried to make some lemonade when life’s tosses lemons at me!

I used to be a sign language interpreter for the Deaf . I graduated from university with my degree in “Sign language studies / Interpreting”. I was a single mom (but I’ve been remarried now almost 20 yrs to my soul mate), worked full time at university of Michigan hospitals as an interpreter for patient services. I interpreted for Deaf students at 2 school systems “Magnet” Hearing impaired programs & at Madonna University in the classrooms.

In 2002 when a man ran a red light I lost so much: not only was my car totaled, but my body & my career. I suffer from chronic intractable pain. I’ve had multiple injuries, surgeries (8), a heart attack and a stroke! I suffer from Dysautonomia / POTS / Autonomic Neuropathy, polyneuropathy in Collagen Vascular disease(like the vascular EDS), Arnold Chiari I, Sick Sinus Syndrome (with a pacemaker), S.C.I.D. (severe combined Immune Deficiency disease), RA ,OA & the worst is CRPS, or aka “Complex Regional pain syndrome”. The CRPS started in my right foot after a surgery. It then spread to my right knee, left foot & knee.

In 2013 I had what was supposed to be a simple pacemaker replacement surgery. It turned into a long & difficult pacemaker and pectoral muscle rebuild surgery! Afterwards at my 6 week post-op check up, my CRPS was reassessed  by my Neuro-Cardiologist. He said that it had progressed to” full body/systemic CRPS, severe & disseminated”.

My career was taken from me! I also suffered a TBI in the car accident and was in brain injury rehab for 3 yrs! Id been an Interpreter for the Deaf & Blind and now I’m hearing impaired & I have 2 hearing aids. I can’t process signals of spoken language the same as I could.  My brain isn’t able to switch the words into another language whilst coming out of my hands & arms any longer. That connection was gone or at least now too slow for interpreting!

My short term memory is “in the toilet”, according to my neuro-psych tests. My love and compassion for helping people, especially children, is still  in my heart but the injuries stole my career from me. I was so very sad! Then I thought “how lucky that it’s me because I know ASL fluently, I can read lips well & my long term memory is in tact. I remember all of the signs! Artistic ASL is emotional and beautiful. It has awakened the “old days” for me when I lived in Az & worked at school for the Deaf with Deaf pre-schoolers! It has reminded me of when I was involved in 2 Drama groups w/choreography in ASL to songs! One was called “Silent Impressions Productions”, we put on shows at ASU! The other group was called “Silent Praise”, & we Interpreted at church, did interpretive dancing & signed to beautiful songs at the Neumann center at ASU! I was lucky to still have my gift yet in a different way. Watching  songs done in artistic ASL is emotional and so beautiful.

I started signing beautiful songs again, which made something wonderful stir         inside of me once more & brought the sparkle back to my eyes!

I started a “You Tube” page (ASLSuzyQ) and a facebook page (I Luv ASL) for my ASL songs. thought that if I could be cheered up …then maybe I could cheer up others who are hurting, sad or both? So “Hold On”…Don’t give up and watch this & maybe, just maybe it’ll cheer you too!

https://youtu.be/cjrMvKpxge0